What Helps When a Friend Loses a Parent?

I recently came across a discussion where someone asked a thoughtful question:

“As more of my friends begin losing their parents, what is something meaningful I can do for them?”

As I read through the helpful replies to gain some insight for myself, I thought you might like to know what replies were the most frequent and the ones that I have found to be the most helpful in my own experience. 

1. Acknowledge Their Loss

When you hear the news of a friend losing a parent, reaching out to them with a phone call or a  timely visit can be a meaningful way to express your care. Even a quick “thinking of you” text can show your support.

As you have time, a handwritten card or simply showing up at the funeral can mean more than you realize. I still remember the precious friends who drove over 3 hours to attend my dad’s funeral. 

2. Food Is One of the Best Gifts

Taking food to a friend after they lose a parent is a tremendous blessing..

Here are some thoughtful ways that can be especially helpful during the first few days and weeks of t  your friend’s loss.

Providing items such as:

Breakfast foods like: muffins, fruit, bagels, and juice

Soup that can be shared with visiting family or frozen for later

Frozen meals to enjoy after the funeral

Pizza delivered on the days when a lot of family is in town for the funeral

Local restaurant gift cards

”Grief Groceries” like sandwich bread, lunch meat, snacks, paper products, drinks and even toilet paper

3. The Second Week Can Be Harder Than the First

The first few days are usually filled with visitors, flowers, phone calls, and support. Then everyone goes home. Two or more weeks later, your friend is often still feeling exhausted and overwhelmed while everyone else has returned to normal life.

That can be the perfect time to send groceries, deliver a meal, or simply check in.

4. Don’t Stop Remembering

When you lose a parent, you lose someone who has known your life history. There are many days during the year when the loss can come up in a new and difficult way. Here are some days and ways that you could check in throughout the year:

A text on Mother's Day or Father's Day

A note on their parent's birthday

Remembering the anniversary of their death

Saying their parent's name

Sharing a favorite memory

In my experience, it’s rare for even one of my closest friends to tell me what they need when they are grieving. Instead, I decide how to show my support based on what I know about my friend and it’s always appreciated. 

In the end, it’s not doing or saying the perfect thing, but it’s doing something to remind your friend they are not alone in their grief.

Grief changes over time, but it doesn't disappear. A meal, a handwritten note, or a simple "I'm thinking of you" weeks or even months later can remind someone they haven't been forgotten. Sometimes the smallest acts of kindness are the ones remembered the longest.