Last week a friend shared with me that she will soon undergo a significant surgery and recovery. She mentioned that her cousin wanted to help, but she didn’t know what to ask for. Our conversation was such a good reminder to me that when a person is facing a difficult time, they often do not know what they need.
If you find yourself wanting to help someone (but they aren’t even sure what to ask for), here are a few things I have found helpful to keep in mind.
1. Consider Simple, Tangible Care
Flowers on the porch, cookies or cut-up fruit, a text, or a meal aren’t grand gestures, but they offer meaningful support when life feels disorienting. You can also offer to run to the pharmacy or pick something up at the store while you’re already out.
2. Showing Up Matters More Than Saying the Perfect Thing
Our pastor recently shared an article with me about what it means to show up for someone who is suffering and why it can feel so hard to do. I always appreciate learning from someone who has walked through difficult circumstances, and Rolf Jacobson’s perspective was one I needed to read. He writes the following:
“If you are a normal human being, the intense, psychic pain of another person will repel you—it will push you away. It pushes me away. None of us want to be around those who are in pain—we don’t know what to do, and we don’t know what to say. So here is what I want you to do when one of your friends is in deep pain… First, admit to yourself that you may not want to go. There is nothing wrong with you if you feel that. Second, go anyway. Go anyway.”
3. People Want to Help, They Just Need a Way
For long term situations, don’t hesitate to ask other friends and community members to join you in offering support (with your friend’s permission). When people are given a practical way to help, they’re usually eager to step in. Things like mowing the lawn, childcare, dog walking, and meals can all be scheduled to rally support.
Sometimes the most meaningful thing we can do is to simply show up through small acts of care, reminding someone they are not alone as they face a difficult season.
Warmly,
Adina
In Case You Missed It
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Don’t have Instagram? Click here for the recipe!
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Don’t have Instagram? Click here for the recipe!
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